Looking Back at 2022

I have never really taken the opportunity to use the end of the year as a point of reflection. American culture puts a lot of emphasis on new year's resolutions, and not enough on taking stock of the year that just passed. When I think about where I was at the beginning of this year, I was in a comfortable job, I had just begun making art again after a 2 year pandemic-induced hiatus, and I was going to finally devote time to learn to speak Spanish proficiently. I participated in a group show debuting a new style of art where I sold 23 of the 30 pieces I had made for it at the opening, and felt energized to get back to the studio.

Then Dad called. Mom was in the hospital again and this time she was refusing the tests and the treatment. After battling kidney disease for the past several years, she was tired of fighting. She wanted to go home and spend her last days in the house she had spent the last 50 years in. I dropped everything and came home. I spent a week by her side along with my dad and sisters, and was there with dad when she died early on that cold February morning. We spent the next week grieving, clear the house of years worth of clutter and weight that had accumulated, walking down memory lane, making trips to the donation center and planning her memorial. The day after her memorial, I reluctantly left my dad alone in the house that was really always mom's house, where they raised three daughters, where Dad was the caretaker in every sense of the word.

I came out from under that fog slowly (and of course still have moments that hit at both expected - Mother's Day - and unexpected times - my daughter's choir performance) but I know Mom wouldn't have wanted us to fall apart. She'd probably tell us to "get a grip" because "it is what it is", so I picked myself up, scheduled a solo show, and launched my website in September.

In 2022, I have celebrated, and grieved, and built new businesses, and quit my full-time job, all while partnering, and parenting, and friending, and family-ing to the best of my ability. I have taken the plunge into the unknown depths of self-employment, and put myself out there to see what the universe holds for me in the new space I have made for possibilities.

So here is to all the growing and stretching I have done and been forced to do this year. I am going to bask in the gains I have made, without lamenting the goals I didn't achieve (Nope, I am not proficient in Spanish). Life is too hard and too short to dwell on the "should haves", so cheers to the past. We are all doing the best we can, so take a moment to celebrate where you have come from before you skip ahead to where you plan to go.